Kristin Mueller-Heaslip, Soprano

Warning: Ear protection must be worn at all times.

Random warnings and anecdotes

Apparently you should not use a Facebook app called “Who’s peeping my profile?” or “Who’s been looking at my profile?”  It will spam your friends, though I don’t see why anyone would bother setting something like that up.

Honestly, there are large swathes of the Internet whose purpose I don’t understand.  What’s the point of a spam app?  What does its developpers *get* out of annoying people on Facebook?  I know, Facebook is a data-miner’s dream, so maybe they’re skimming emails or names/birthdays, but I suspect they may be like the Underpants Gnomes, and their plan for world domination goes something like this:

1. Spread an app through Facebook, spamming merrily along

2. ?????????

3. PROFIT!

So there’s your random warning.  Now a random anecdote:

During my 2nd year in university I picked up a gig for a few days at a high school in a northern suburb.  It was a long trip there and back.  On the way back from (I think) the last day, I was whiling away the subway ride by writing in my diary.  I should mention that the diary was an 11×17 shiny silver-coloured hardback.  (This will be important later.)

It was still somewhere in North Toronto when I realized that someone was smoking in the car.  This being against the rules, the culprit standing up across from where I was sitting, and me being young and a little clueless, I said:

“Dude, put your cigarette out,” or words to that effect.  It might have been, “Don’t you know how dangerous that is?  Put your damn cigarette out.”

Now this was on a Friday night, and this dude was drunk.  And an asshole.  So he finished his cigarette and came and sat down next at me.

“Whatcha doing?” he said.

“Leave me alone,” I said.

“Are you writing about me?”

“No.” Though by this time I totally was.

There was some more vaguely sexually harrassing banter – I can’t remember it in detail anymore – and a minute or two later I felt something looming next to my head.  I turned to look and saw it was…

…the dude, with his tongue out, ABOUT TO LICK MY FACE.

So I did what anyone with sense would do.  I hit him on the head.  With my large, hardback diary.

He left me alone after that, though I did have to stay on a couple of extra stops to wait for him to leave first.  I don’t know if there’s a moral to the story, other than, “Carry a large book at all times,” or possibly, “If you are a young and attractive woman a stranger will probably try to lick your face at some point in time.  Sorry.”

A while ago the TTC had a campaign asking for riders’ stories about transit, looking for inspirational material for its advertising.  I submitted that story.  For some reason they never got back to me.

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