Complaining with Kay
The Podcast Show where I rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Buy Complaining with Kay merchandise (including tote bags, T-shirts, mugs, water bottles, and dog clothing) at my CafePress store.
57: Why does cancer kill you?
Amateur punditry AND amateur biology!
56: Scenes from a doomed relationship + Whitopia, ON, CA
- Also, dude was invading my personal space the entire time.
- I just want to ask mankind, do your balls need that much air at all times? You can’t just keep your legs together for 10 minutes? Because girls do.
- It’s a magazine-length magazine-style compilation of ads for housing developments.
- I noticed something weird: lots and lots of white people. Like, an unusually large number of white people.
PEOPLE PICTURED IN THIS MAGAZINE VS. THE ACTUAL DEMOGRAPHY OF TORONTO:
78 (83%) White
(actual: 52.4% White)
9 (9.5%) Black
(actual: 8.4% Black)
7 (6.5% Asian or South Asian)
(27.5% Asian or South Asian: 12% South Asian, 11.4% Chinese, 4.1% Filipino)
Not pictured: Latin Americans
(actual: 52% female)
- out of 9 Black people, only 2 were dudes
- perhaps because to Toronto Sun readers, Black man=Crime
Don’t believe me? Check out this cover story from a few days ago.
- white people/Britishness=”Classy”
TOTALLY FUCKED UP
55: What I did on my summer vacation (Or how I learned to stop worrying and love Bach)
…Or how I learned to stop worrying and love Bach.
In this episode:
- HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO.
- I wish I had an excuse for not podcasting for 5 months, but I don’t.
- I had a lovely time, while Toronto was turned into something…out of Robocop.
- People still think that it’s totally OK for the police to randomly arrest you, and if you ride a bicycle and you get killed that’s totally your fault.
- She could have had her wedding somewhere, I don’t know, like Sweden, but oh well.
- It might have been two bears, I don’t know.
- I drove there with my parents. Like I’m TWELVE.
- Mostly we got underfoot and annoyed my sister, but it was fun.
- My sister’s cat still hates me, but that’s *fine*.
- So I did. Well, I got really drunk on Jagermeister and decided I wanted to be a singer. And the rest is, as they say, HISTORY.
Democracy When? I don’t think it’s now – Vodcast Special #4
Kay protests the G20 police action.
54: Fear this, not that!
Things people are afraid of vs. Things that will actually kill you. With some easy-to-remember slogans to help you know the difference.
With special guest GuitarDrone of What’s all this then?
53: HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY SO HAPPY NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HERE.
- I really have nothing to complain about. I am podcasting more or less just to let you know I’m still alive.
- Had my parents over for dinner and made another massive vegan feast.
- And yes, my mother did spot a hair on my chin that I apparently ought to pluck out
- Maybe being a bearded soprano will be a hook.
- Email me if you want to come to MurderFolk.
- I’ll try to have a bad experience this week, or else I’ll have to change the title of the show to “Meandering with Kay” or “Having nice afternoons with Kay”, and that’ll be really boring.
52: Hobonics, if you will.
In which Kay sees a hobo yelling into a payphone, reads the Toronto Sun (Shorter Toronto Sun: AAAAAAAAAHHH! WE’RE GONNA DIE!), and posts some of the recording she made last week.
The aria is “Son vergin vezzosa” from I puritani, recorded by Paul Talbott with Michael Rose on the piano.
As promised, another piece of egregious trash I have read.
Episode 51: Attention, douchebags!
Special guest Celeste Gillis and I discuss random douchebags we have known.
- Did I ever tell you about the time the guy tried to lick my face on the subway?
- Was he really short? – No, do you know him?- No, but for someone’s mouth to accidentally hit your shoulder…
- Speak of douchebags, and they appear.
- I have a theory about that: You’re not an asshole.
- I’m not sure how “You have a huge ass” came out wrong.
- Clearly, that’s what ALL of us want – to have sex with random strangers. /eyeroll
- That attitude makes them assholes…and no one wants to sleep with assholes.
- Well, there’s point when you’re younger and you think, “There must be something about him, because he’s such an asshole and people still put up with him.” Then you get a little older and you realize, “No, he’s just an asshole.”
- First of all, leave me and Celeste alone…but regarding the other women of Toronto, you will probably get a lot luckier if you treat us like actual people and not interchangeable objects.
Check out Celeste’s art at: http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=94865193144&ref=ts
Episode 50: Regrettably, The Best of Complaining with Kay.
Allow me to explain myself.
Clips from every show from 1-49, excluding the vodcasts and literary supplements (except for one). If this is your first Complaining with Kay, I suggest listening to something else first.
Great thanks to all of you who listen, to Ben for creating and performing the theme.
Will be back next week with a regular episode.
Title stolen from George Hrab of the excellent Geologic podcast.
Episode 49: Chirper. Yeah. Whatever.
- It’s the kind of house Lucy Maud Montgomery would use as a setting for a sappy novel about a plucky heroine overcoming being an orphan to become a successful sappy novelist.
- My notes actually say HI HI HI HI HI. I don’t know why I wrote that.
- I had my parents over for Easter Dinner, and I cooked. It’s the end of an era!
- Go vegan! Or mostly vegan. Where the f*ck do you find vegan puff pastry?
- I puritani got a bad review:
- Oh, excuse me for being able to sing really really fast really really high. If that makes me a chirper, I don’t want to be a…non-chirper? What’s the opposite of a chirper?
- When she opened the door she said, “Well, if it isn’t Kristin Chirper-Heaslip!” Yeah. That’s me.
- It was a bit crushing, but… *an excerpt from Episode 44: How CAN a door be out of order?*
- So yeah. Bring it on!
Come to Die Weisse Rose, April 8, 7:30 PM, Hart House Music Room: Tickets at 416-913-2424
Episode 48: Bellini withdrawal.
- No one has ever told me to sing louder in my entire life. Mostly it’s the other way around.
- I’m very, very tired, and slowly descending into Rage Mode.
- Motorists of Toronto: If you do a creeping right turn in front of me at an intersection, you will be followed by a shrieking bike-lock wielding harpy on a bicycle. Well, maybe not, but I will give you a dirty look and maybe kick your tires.
- It was artistically and dramatically satisfying in a way I didn’t expect it to be.
- F*ck this, I’m going back to Plan A: Become world famous opera star.
Also, how Gravol saved my life.
Episode 47: Non-obvious dichotomies.
In this episode, my list so far:
- Dog people/cat people
- Original series/Next Generation
- Hell, Likes Star Trek/Likes Star Wars
- Taking it out one more level, Likes Sci Fi/Hates SciFi
- Sees others as people/sees others as things
- Thinks the world is OK/Hates the world
- Hates cops/Wishes they were a cop (2nd includes actual cops)
Plus serious stuff about healthcare and war.
Episode 46: Kay is very tired, and she has turned (not “is turning”) into her mother.
- Just a hint: If your cycling speed is significantly less than average walking speed, maybe you should GET OFF THE BICYCLE AND WALK. At least during rush hour.
- Some of it had turned into a weird hairy, gooey fuzz. I think they put in some carpet upside down to make it padded.
- I got two roles in two completely different operas. Can you believe that?
- If my voice sounds tired, it’s because it is – I’ve been practicing bel canto and German 12-tone music All. Day.
- If you are of my generation, if you are a bit younger, if you are a bit older, if you are a woman, you have probably read Bridget Jones’ Diary.
- I saw a matching purple tracksuit and I thought, “That’s an attractive tracksuit.” Then I thought, “OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS OVER.”
Apologies for the lack of the dirty postcard video. Maybe tomorrow.
Episode 45: The problem of happiness.
- I was chatting with this nice older lady who was there with an extremely ancient German Short-Haired Pointer and a middle-aged Labradoodle.
- I was thinking, are there people like that? And am I one of them?
- Happy Valentine’s Day! If you’re single, I hope you’re sticking it to the man and having a good time anyway.
- I will even send it in the MAIL. Maybe in an envelope.
- I should warn you that I haven’t actually done any research about this.
- Thomas Jefferson: Rapist.
- Is my life perfect? No, but that doesn’t mean I’m unhappy.
- I guess happiness depends on that tricky combination between your capacity for contentment and the lot one finds oneself in.
Episode 44: How *can* a door be out of order?
In this episode:
- There’s a weird kiosk that sells knock-off snuggies and blankets with Hannah Montana on them. No, really.
- A door is a very simple object. It either opens – or it doesn’t.
- There’s some mold growing on it, because IT’S A BATHROOM.
- The part of me that wants to be famous and successful and the part of me that actually wants to make music don’t have much to do with each other.
- You know what? I have no idea what these people want, and I’m just going to sing Caro Nome and, you know, actually enjoy actually making music. What a surprise.
- Nick and Nora: Just like Dashiell Hammet and Lillian Helman, except a comedy.
Me and Ben play Somewhere There (Leftover Daylight series) this Friday, Feb. 12.
Episode 43: Kay saves Hollywood + Grumpy old composers + Conspiracy theorists.
In this episode:
- Just believing in a conspiracy doesn’t make you a jackass. It makes you WRONG, maybe in need of doing some more research, but not an asshole.
- I translated all his emails into LOLspeak.
- This was one of the worst pieces of music I’ve heard in a long time. And I like R. Murray Schafer.
- They have for some reason decided that R. Murray Schafer is bankable.
- The orchestra is like a top predator, like the T-Rex of the musical ecosystem. And we’re like the small proto-mammals that can survive after the comet hits.
- Here’s an idea: STOP PAYING TOM CRUISE SO GODDAMN MUCH.
Episode 42: A few interesting questions.
In this episode:
- Nobody says, “I’m so evil. I’m going to do evil evil evil. Boogety boogety boogety.”
- I think it’s called a race to the bottom. Or the tragedy of the commons. Or something.
- Before you create that Facebook page, think: what is it FOR? What do you want it to do?
- Why does soy milk have a Facebook page? WHY?
- Anagram? Amalgam? ACRONYM!
- On a website called Internet Monk: Should young Christian people get married earlier so they’re not tempted to have sex outside of marriage? Huh?
- What can you really say to someone who thinks, “Yeah, maybe abstinence-only ed makes you get AIDS or get pregnant when you’re 14, but at least you won’t go to hell”?
I can’t get the link working right now and I have to go out to a protest! I will fix it later.
If you’re in Canada go protest the prorogues this afternoon – I’m going and I’m bringing the camera. Also donate a bit to MSF or Red Cross for Haiti. Just don’t give to Pat Robertson.
Episode 41: Oppressed or dead?
- If they sold wine at Dollarama, that’s the wine they’d sell.
- How was your new years? Our fearless leader celebrated with that wonderful Canadian holiday tradition: prorogueing parliament.
- So you have to think, would I rather be oppressed or dead?
- I say, no more starting wars. Just stop. Cold turkey.
- If have another opinion – if you think we should start MORE wars because of, you know, something: email@example.com
- If we took all the money we spend annually on sidewalk salt and bought every man, woman, and child in Canada a pair of cleats for their boots…
Episode 40: The New Year’s TMI Cast.
In which Kay tells you more than you ever wanted to know about her weird neck scar. Plus how much she’d have to pay for healthcare if she lived in the US.
Episode 39: A Very Special Complaining with Kay Special Christmas Special.
In this episode:
- Chris Brown, I offer you this holiday greeting: Bite me.
- I know what you’re thinking, “Oh great, Kay’s going to complain about Christmas now.”
- I find the Beatles inspiring, not because I like their music, because I don’t really.
- I shouldn’t swear in the Christmas cast, because I know you’ll want to listen to it every year with your family as a wonderful holiday tradition.
- Send pictures of dogs in santa hats to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Episode 38: Haiku for Cthulhu.
In this episode:
Eric Shinn performs “Haikus for Cthulhu”.
Kay airs the dirty laundry.
Episode 37: Happy Thanksgiving, America!
As a gift I give you a dictionary.
In this episode:
- Socialism? Really?
- The one thing I have in common with Glen Beck: I love America, and I fear for her, because something is *not* connecting here.
- That is not socialism. That is Gilded Age robber baron capitalism with some protection for the proletariat. That’s why things are the way they are.
- Yet another failed audition: I had to watch a Muppet movie last night to get over it.
- I withdraw from the competition – the rest of the sopranos who are just as good as me can fight over small roles from minor opera companies.
- My voice is not so unbelievably fantastic that you go “AAAAAAHHHHHH!” and wet your pants.
- Email feedback to email@example.com and I will send you a cookie.